


Mania

by pinkamour1588



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Academy Era, Bipolar Disorder, F/M, Fluff, Mental Health Issues, Reader-Insert, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-29 23:59:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11451777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkamour1588/pseuds/pinkamour1588
Summary: McCoy fluff and hypomaniaPossible warnings: negative self-talk and mentions of wanting to self-harm





	Mania

**Author's Note:**

> Hypomania: “a milder form of mania involving increased levels of activity and goal-directed behaviors combined with an elevated, expansive, or irritable mood” (Essentials of Understanding Abnormal Behavior, Third Edition)
> 
> Previously posted on my tumblr account.

It shouldn’t have bugged you so much. He wasn’t doing it on purpose. He was just mindlessly drumming his fingers on the desk as he studied. It wasn’t even making that much noise. It was quiet enough that you could have tuned it out, and you tried to. But the more you tried, the more irritating you found the faint noise and you eventually cracked.

“For fucks sake. Would you stop?” you snapped.

“What?” Leonard answered looking up from his notes.

“The tapping. Stop it.”

He stilled his hand and went back to studying. You tried to go back to studying as well but not even five minutes after he stopped drumming his fingers on the desk, he started drumming his fingers on his leg. You couldn’t even hear them this time but you could see them in the corner of your eye. You turned so you no longer could see them. It didn’t help. The pure knowledge that he was drumming his fingers on his lap irritated you beyond belief.

“God, Leonard, can you not sit still?” you groaned.

He looked over his shoulder at you to see you had your back to him. “I’m not even making any noise and you can’t see me.”

“Doesn’t make it any less irritating.”

“What has gotten into you? Earlier it was me tapping my pen. Then me bouncing my leg. And then me drumming my fingers on the desk. I’m not even making noise drumming my fingers on my leg.”

You froze for a moment, then gathered up your things as quickly as possible before leaving. He just stared after you, confused. When you got to your dorm, instead of going into the bedroom where Elise was, you closed yourself in the bathroom, not bothering to lock the door. There was no one else in the dorm besides Elise so you saw no point in locking the door. You were hoping for sufficient silence so you could focus. The faucet was dripping.

You threw your jacket against the wall with a groan, figuring it would be best not to throw your PADD.

“You need anything?” Elise asked through the door.

“No. Just be quiet,” you answered, curling up in a ball.

She silently walked away from the door. It was relatively silent for a few minutes before there was knock on the front door. You bit back a scream at the sound and the sound of Elise answering the door. You could hear her talking to someone quietly for a few minutes and yourself slowly going insane. Then the door to the bathroom opened and the person she had been talking to walk in. He sat down next to you, staying as silent as possible.

“What do you want?” you muttered.

“You to talk to me when you’re ready.”

“Might be a while.”

“I’ve got time.”

“To sit on the bathroom floor with the woman who yelled at you for drumming your fingers on your lap and not making a sound?”

“Yes.”

You scoffed, not daring to look at him. He was joking. He had to be. Either that or he was insane. Only two people who weren’t family stuck around after you snapped at them during an episode, and even they didn’t proceed to sit with you immediately afterwards.

You bit back another scream at the sound of the dripping faucet. He stood and stuck the hand towel in the sink to stop the noise. It didn’t help. You squirmed and gripped your hair. He sat in front of you, carefully untangling your fingers from your hair and held onto them.

“Didn’t help,” you whimpered.

“What would?”

“I don’t know.”

“Does me being here help?”

You thought for a moment then nodded.

“Does holding your hands help?”

“A little. I don’t want to hurt you.”

He gave a small smile. “Got some super strength you haven’t told me about? You can grip my hands as tightly as you need.”

You scowled down at your lap as you squirmed again, though making no attempt to pull your hands away from his. “Nails.”

“I’ll stop you if anything starts to hurt.”

“Why?” you asked after a minute. It wasn’t a very clear question but it was all your brain could come up with in the jumble of thoughts that never lasted more than a few moments.

“Why am I still here?”

You nodded.

“Because I want to be there for my girlfriend.”

“No one stays. No one sits on the floor with me. No one…” You cut yourself off as the sound of music from your neighbors’ dorm came through the wall, and you held back a groan as your grip on his hands tightened.

He pulled one hand from yours and pulled you closer so your head was on his chest. “Guess that makes me someone.”

You were trying not to hyperventilate. “You wouldn’t stay if you knew,” you whispered trying to figure out whether you wanted to pull away from his loose hold on you or if you wanted to cling onto him.

“What if I would?”

“You won’t. Only two people have stayed after they knew.”

“Maybe I’ll be the third.”

You were silent. The thoughts were moving from just irritated to hopeless and terrifying as you tried to resist the urge to dig your nails into your skin.  _…You’re pathetic. Grow up. You’re 25 and sitting on the bathroom floor. Get your shit together. You’re so needy…_

You managed to make one decision. If he was going to leave when this was over, you at least wanted your last memory to include being close to him. So, you moved closer and clung onto him as tightly as you dared, hiding your face in his shoulder as you tried to commit what you could to memory.

After a few minutes, his hold on you tightened and you felt him press his lips to the side of your head. You held back a whimper and a sob.  _That’s probably going to be the last kiss I get. Maybe I’ll get lucky and he won’t completely leave. We’ll just try to be friends. Like that ever actually works out. Fucking sentiments._

You took a deep breath and pulled away from him, which he willingly let you do. You sat against the opposite wall and looked down at your hands. “You won’t stay. You don’t want a crazy girlfriend.”

“You’re not crazy.”

“You say that like you know the whole story.”

“Maybe I know enough of the story.”

You shook your head.

“You’re manic. Or probably now coming down from mania.”

You lifted your head just enough to look at him through your eyelashes. “Elise?” you whispered.

“Yeah, she told me. I had a few suspicions that something was up for a while. She just confirmed it when I asked today.”

“And you’re still here?”

“Evidently.”

“You’re not leaving?”

“Not unless you want me to.”

“I’m better most of the time. But I suppose you know that. It just gets bad sometimes.”

“I know.”

“I hate it.”

“I imagine you would.”

“It’s part of me, you know. This isn’t going away. This wasn’t a one-off thing.”

“I know.”

“And you’re still staying?” You looked at him hesitantly.

“I’m still staying. When we decided to date officially, I signed on for whatever came with being your boyfriend. If this is part of it, so be it.”

You let out a small sigh and moved over to sit next to him. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“And I’m sorry about yelling at you. I really do feel bad about it. Also, for not telling you about this.”

“I know, sweetheart.”

“Do you think you can forgive me?”

He looked over at you and smiled. “I already have. Now, would you like to get off the bathroom floor and go somewhere a bit cleaner?”

“Yeah, that would probably be good.”

“Where do you want to go?"

“When’s Jim getting back?”

“I think he’s studying in the library for the rest of the afternoon.”

“Then can we go to your place? Elise knows to be quiet, but it’ll probably be quieter at yours.”

“Sounds good. Do you want to go back to studying or do you want to watch a movie or something?” he asked as he got up, holding a hand out to you.

You took his hand and he helped pull you up onto your feet. “Movie. I don’t think I can focus on studying.”

“Then movie it is.”

You gathered up your things, putting your study materials on your bed on your way out of the dorm. As the two of you walked to his dorm, you couldn’t help but think maybe he really was someone special after all. Maybe saying no one stays really was a lie. Because he stayed. But, then again, he had only seen one extreme, and the other wasn’t too pretty either. You’d just have to wait and see if he’d still stick around when you hit rock bottom.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [tumblr](http://pinkamour1588.tumblr.com)


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